Kaji | カジ (shatteredtenshi) wrote,
Kaji | カジ
shatteredtenshi

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From the Beginning

Title: From the Beginning
Author: Shattered Tenshi
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: JE
Genre: Angst
Pairing: Kitayama Hiromitsu x Fujigaya Taisuke, Yokoo Wataru x Fujigaya Taisuke, Yokoo Wataru x Kitayama Hiromitsu
Warnings: Angst, lots of unrequited love
Notes: As requested by/dedicated to kira_shadow.

From the Beginning | There was No Hope | Only Despair | And With No Love | Where is the Happiness | For the Three of Us




From the Beginning
By Shattered Tenshi


Hiromitsu knew because he was always watching. That's why even though it might not have been obvious, he knew. It was really a subconscious action though. Before he realized, he would be watching, and at times, he wondered if it would be considered as some kind of sickness.

Taisuke being Taisuke though, was oblivious to all this. It wasn't like Hiromitsu never got caught watching either. Taisuke did manage to catch him more than him a few times, but Taisuke would always just smile brightly at him before turning back to what he was doing.

Of course, Hiromitsu knew why. There was someone else that took away Taisuke's attention, someone else that Taisuke was always watching. That's why Hiromitsu wondered why Taisuke didn't realize. If he was always watching, why didn't Taisuke realize that Wataru was looking at someone else?

Hiromitsu was the one who understood the situation the most. He saw everything the clearest, but he wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not. Would he be happier if he was as oblivious as Taisuke? Would he be happier if he was as blind as Wataru? To be honest, he wasn't sure.

Maybe this whole thing was wrong from the beginning. If they hadn’t fallen in love, then things wouldn’t be so confusing. His heart wouldn’t ache, he wouldn’t feel guilty, he wouldn’t care so much for Taisuke’s tears. Except it did happen, and Hiromitsu didn’t know any way of stopping it.

It was an act to look occupied. Hiromitsu flipped through the magazine, but none of the pictures or words really processed through his mind. When he heard a familiar laughter though, he looked up, watching the two people sitting not too far away on the dressing room’s couch.

Watching how Taisuke leaned towards Wataru and how the other's eyes sparkled at every word that Wataru would say, Hiromitsu wondered if Taisuke would ever look at him that way. It was probably near impossible though. No matter how well they work together, Taisuke would never look at him like he would at Wataru.

That moment, Wataru choose to turn his head and his eyes met Hiromitsu's. Even though Taisuke was still talking animatedly, Wataru held Hiromitsu's gaze. Hand clenching into a fist, Hiromitsu quickly turned away. There was no way Taisuke would look at him like that because he was the one who is hurting Taisuke.

Taisuke just didn't know it.



When arms wrapped around him from behind, Hiromitsu didn't react and just continued to pack his things into his bag. He was used to it, even though he didn’t want to be. Once he was done, he looked up and met the other’s eyes through the mirror in front of them. "What is it, Yokoo?"

"Tsk," Wataru rested his chin on top of Hiromitsu's shoulder, "when can you call me by my first name? It's always Yokoo or Yokoo-san. You should learn to call me by different names, just like Tai-chan." He grinned slightly. "So, when are you going to go on a date with me?"

Hiromitsu's eyebrow twitched slightly when Wataru mentioned Taisuke. Wataru was blind, he knew that. That’s why he wanted to make the other see the truth, but that was Taisuke’s secret and he didn't have the heart to blurt out Taisuke's feelings just like that. "I'm not going on a date with you."

Wataru tsk’ed again. “So cold,” he replied, “but maybe that's what attracts me to you.” He pressed his lips against Hiromitsu’s temple briefly. “Taisuke wants to go to karaoke tonight. You want to come as well? I want to spend some time with you too. Okay, Hiro?”

That’s when Hiromitsu pushed Wataru away, picking up his bag. "Not okay. You go ahead and have fun with Taisuke. I don't want to go to karaoke with you guys." He hated how easily Wataru would invite him to outings that were supposedly only for him and Taisuke. He really hated it.

Arms reaching out, Wataru quickly stopped Hiromitsu and wrapped his arms around the other once again, this time chest pressing against chest. "Just how long are you going to ignore me for, Hiro? I was serious last time. That didn’t happen because we were both drunk."

Hiromitsu's heart clenched, but not because of Wataru’s words, but because he was betraying Taisuke. Taisuke who didn’t know anything and continued to look up at Wataru with shining eyes. "I told you before," he tried to be gentle about it, "I don't feel that way for you, Yokoo."

Cursing under his breath, Wataru tightened his arms around Hiromitsu. "Hiro, can't you give me a chance? I like you, I really do." He took a deep breath. "I love you, damnit." Hiromitsu could feel Wataru shaking and he tried not to look at the other. "Is there no way at all?"

No answer came from Hiromitsu. His attention had been taken away. Even though he was short, he could still look over Wataru's shoulder, and there was no mistaking the figure of Taisuke standing at the doorway. When he saw the shocked and broken expression on Taisuke's face, Hiromitsu's heart ached in response.

Hiromitsu wasn't sure if Taisuke realized he saw him, but he watched as Taisuke stumbled one, two steps backwards before running off. The moment Taisuke disappeared, Hiromitsu realized he shouldn't be staying in Wataru's arms and quickly pushed the other away.

"Yokoo, I'm sorry." Hiromitsu looked apologetic, looked guilty. "I really can't accept your feelings. I have someone else that I like." He bowed his head slightly before running out of the dressing room. There was no way he would get together with Wataru when that would break the heart of the person he loves.

The moment he left the room, Wataru was already at the back of his mind. Hiromitsu needed to find Taisuke. He could already imagine Taisuke curled up in the corner of a room, crying and he just wanted to take Taisuke into his arms, to make the other stop crying.

It took a while, but when Hiromitsu passed by one of the empty meeting rooms, he thought he heard a sniffle, and he would never mistake that tone and pitch. Carefully and quietly, he turned the doorknob and pushed the door a little ajar, enough for him to peek into the room.

Spotting Taisuke wasn't hard at all, despite how much the younger one had curled up, pressing himself into the corner of the room, as if trying to disappear from the world. Hiromitsu bit down on his lip. It was painful watching Taisuke like that, the other’s sobs and sniffles entering his ears.

Hiromitsu slipped in quietly and closed the door behind him, pausing for a second before he locked the door. He dropped his bags in one of the chairs softly and walked over to Taisuke. He watched Taisuke, all curled up, head buried into his arms for a moment before whispering, "Taisuke…"

Taisuke's body jerked slightly, probably in surprise. He lifted his head up and from where Hiromitsu was standing, he could tell Taisuke was wiping away his tears with his hands. "Hiro…" Taisuke forced a smile on to his face – it was quite ugly in Hiromitsu’s opinion. "What is it?"

Hiromitsu wondered if Taisuke would listen to him. He let out a small sigh and crouched down as well, pulling Taisuke into his arms so the other could rest his head against his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Taisuke…" He felt that he had to apologize. "Cry if you want. Don’t hold back…"

Squirming a little, Taisuke tried to push Hiromitsu away, but the attempt was weak. "Why…why are you apologizing? You didn't do anything wrong…" he said in a small voice. "I wasn't crying. I don't need to cry, Hiro…" He choked on his words slightly. “Go back to Wataru?"

"I don't have any reason to go back." Hiromitsu wasn't sure if this was a good time to confess, but Taisuke's tears hurt too much. He didn't want to be the reason Taisuke was crying. Tears didn't fit the other. He murmured into Taisuke's hair, "I want to stay beside Taisuke."

"E-eh?" Taisuke shook lightly in Hiromitsu's arms. He was frozen for a few more seconds before he pulled back a little so he could look into Hiromitsu's eyes, trying to read the other's expression, to see if Hiromitsu was being serious or not. "What…what are you talking about, Hiro?"

Hiromitsu hugged Taisuke a little closer. He didn't reply immediately and just waited. After a bit, he raised his hand and wiped away the streaks of tears on Taisuke’s cheeks with his thumb. "I know…the one that Taisuke likes is Yokoo, but I like you, Taisuke."

Taisuke's eyes widened. He trembled as he tried to push Hiromitsu away. "Don't…don't joke around, Hiro. What are you talking about? Wataru like you…you can't hurt Wataru…" He shook his head once, then twice. “I don't feel anything for Wataru, so…"

Not letting Taisuke push him away, Hiromitsu hissed, "And you're going let me get hurt then? Yokoo may like me, but I like you! Are you telling me to get together with Yokoo so he can be happy and I'll get hurt because you're going to get hurt?" He subconsciously curled his fingers into Taisuke's skin.

Sobbing, Taisuke shook his head. "I don't want Wataru to be unhappy. If he likes you then I'll le-" His words were immediately cut off when Hiromitsu crushed their lips together. Taisuke let out a sound of surprise and tried to push Hiromitsu away, but the other was stronger than he thought.

By the time Hiromitsu pulled back, Taisuke was breathing heavily, cheeks slightly flushed. While their faces still remain close together, Hiromitsu whispered, "Don't be stupid, Taisuke. No one is that self-sacrificing. You're allowed to be selfish, Taisuke. Tell Wataru your feelings…"

Taisuke shook his head immediately. "I can't…" He lowered his gaze. "I'm…I'm already selfish, Hiro. I was too afraid to tell Wataru my feelings…I didn't want to get hurt…" He twisted his fingers into Hiromitsu's shirt. "If Wataru is happy without me, it'll hurt, but we can still be friends…"

Love turned people into idiots. Hiromitsu knew that, because he was an idiot himself as well. If Taisuke and Wataru had got together, he would be happy to step back and watch, just as long as Taisuke was happy. Now that Taisuke was no longer oblivious though, the circle was getting strained.

He liked Taisuke, but Taisuke liked Wataru, and Wataru liked him. It was a never-ending circle that Hiromitsu hated. "Something has to be done though," he murmured. "We can't remain like this forever, Tai-chan. We'll all just end up getting hurt. Something needs to be done…"

Hiromitsu didn’t know what needed to be done though. Their personalities were too diverse, their ways of loving too different. Was it possible to find a way that would make them all happy? Hiromitsu didn't have the confidence at all. He whispered into Taisuke's ear, "I love you, Taisuke…"

When Taisuke started crying again, Hiromitsu could only continue to hold Taisuke in his arms.



Taisuke never ended up going to karaoke with Wataru that day. That Hiromitsu knew, but he didn't know what Taisuke told Wataru as to why he couldn't go. From what he saw though, Wataru didn't seem to suspect anything and the two continued to act normally.

Hiromitsu had been avoiding Wataru though. He didn't want to talk to the other. He had let Wataru touch him, hug him so many times, but after seeing Taisuke's tears, he really couldn’t let it continue anymore. That's why he avoided Wataru. He had to be not too obvious though, not wanting to worry the other members of their group.

Of course, things never went his way for long. A few days later, Hiromitsu found himself in an empty rehearsal alone with Wataru. He wanted to walk out, but considering how Wataru was standing somewhat in front of the door, it wasn't a possibility.

Crossing his arms across his chest, Hiromitsu let out a small sigh. "What is it, Yokoo?" He knew already, of course, but he asked anyways. Maybe he had been running away for a little too long. Taisuke probably won't do anything, so he had to do something about this.

"I don't want to give up," Wataru stated. It was obvious the other was being serious. Hiromitsu felt a little bad, but he wouldn't give into Wataru so easily. Taisuke was still more important in his mind. He watched as Wataru took a few steps forward and grabbed his shoulders. "Hiro, is there no way at all?"

Hiromitsu shook his head. "I'm sorry, Yokoo. I really can't." What else could he say that would make Yokoo believe him, that there was no way they can be together? It was harsh sure, but what else could he do? He sighed softly, "I told you last time, right? I have someone I like, and I don't want to give up either."

Wataru shook Hiromitsu, his grip on his shoulders tightening. "Who is it that you like that? Tell me." Hiromitsu winced and tried to push Wataru away. The other was hurting him. He didn’t know what Wataru might do, so he didn’t want the other to know about Taisuke. "Hiro, damnit!"

"It's me." Both Hiromitsu and Wataru stopped in surprise at the new voice. Hiromitsu used that moment to fling Wataru’s hands off him, turning towards the door. His eyes widened, realizing that it was Taisuke standing there. What was the other doing and thinking, telling Wataru that?

Taisuke walked up to Wataru and stared into Wataru's eyes. "The one Hiro likes is me. Does that make you hate me now, Wataru?" Hiromitsu could only stand off the side and watch, unsure what was going on and what Taisuke exactly had in mind. "Wataru?"

Wataru swallowed slightly. "Hiro…likes you, Tai-chan?" Taisuke nodded in response. As if trying to see if it was all just a joke, Wataru looked over at Hiromitsu, but of course Hiromitsu showed no indication that Taisuke was joking. "Does that mean…you guys are going out?"

Giving Wataru an awkward smile, Taisuke shook his head. "No…we're not." Taisuke walked up closer to Wataru. "Do you know why, Wataru?" When he received a negative response, Taisuke placed his arms around Wataru's neck and leaned forward. "I…the one I like is Wataru…"

It didn't take more than a few seconds for Wataru to comprehend the situation. His eyes widened and he turned to look at Hiromitsu. "I…" Wataru couldn’t seem to manage to formulate an answer for Taisuke. It was obvious to Hiromitsu that Wataru had never expected this at all.

Lowering his head, Taisuke let his arms slip down from Wataru's neck and took a step backwards. “Hiro won't date Wataru, I won't date Hiro, and Wataru won't date me…" Hiromitsu saw how Taisuke clenched his hands into fists. “Something needs to be done…that's what Hiro said…"

Was Taisuke going to do something? Uncertain, Hiromitsu took a step closer to the other. "Taisuke…?" It was true that he had said that. What exactly did Taisuke have in mind though? Wataru seemed to be just as confused, so the two of them just waited for Taisuke to continue.

"We can't be happy this way…" Taisuke murmured. A pause, then he lifted his head to look at both Wataru and Hiromitsu. “That’s why…it'll be like a game, an agreement. We’ll lie to ourselves and lie to others…" He stepped closer to Hiromitsu. "I like you, Hiro…" With that, he pressed his lips against Hiromitsu's briefly.

Hiromitsu's body stiffened in response. Did Taisuke just do what he thought he did? There was a look of confusion on his face, no doubt, and when he looked at Taisuke, the other just gave him a small smile. That's when he understood. He turned to Wataru and leaned in to kiss the other. "I like Wataru…"

Wataru was the only one left, but he still looked confused, unsure as to what to do. Did the other not want to join this game of pretending? It may hurt, but it may also be the solution. They won't know until they tried. If there was some way of letting all of them be happy, Hiromitsu wanted to try.

Reaching out, Hiromitsu gave Wataru a slight push, to remind him that they were still waiting. Wataru looked at Hiromitsu, then looked at Taisuke. Somewhere within those few seconds, Wataru made up his mind. He leaned forward and brushed his lips against Taisuke's lips lightly. "I like you, Taisuke."

Taisuke smiled at both Wataru and Hiromitsu.


One took a step and hoped for change.
One agreed and made a wish.
One was left and could only follow.

Now more intertwined than ever, the circle became smaller, but also easier to break.






Author's Note: Because Kira read my mind and requested this, it got longer than just a drabble/ficlet, lol. Epic =.= But...you don't really see the epicness yet I guess. I wonder if it got too melodramatic or anything like that... Apparently Christmas = writing emo for me!? Lol. I remember one year (well, two years ago) I was writing KuroSato emo on Christmas Eve as well. XDD;;

Mh...I forgot what else I was going to say. =.= I attempted to be poetic at the end or something like that, but uh, I fail at these things, lol. X3; I really forgot what else I want to say. My sister trying to catch fishes on Wii-fit is distracting. Not to mention she's whining and in a bad mood because she's failing.

Comments are love and appreciated~

Tags: group: kis-my-ft2, pairing: kitafuji, pairing: yomitsu, pairing: yosuke, topic: je, ~fan-fic
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