Kaji | カジ (shatteredtenshi) wrote,
Kaji | カジ
shatteredtenshi

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Tears - Part One

Title: Tears
Author: Shattered Tenshi
Rating: PG
Fandom: JE
Genre: Angst
Pairing: Yokoo Wataru x Fujigaya Taisuke (main), Kitayama Hiromitsu x Fujigaya Taisuke
Warnings: Emo! Emo! Emo! YoSuke is my pairing and I'll just write the first MC and angst fic for them! ...>.>




Tears
By Shattered Tenshi

Part One


Taisuke stared at the exact-o-knife in his hand. It would be so easy. One cut was all he needed. All he needed was one cut and then all his worries would be over. He tightened his grip on the handle. Moving the sharp edge over his wrist, he stopped it barely an inch away from the skin. He just had to press down on his skin hard. Then it would be over. His heart was hurting so much, so much. He wasn't sure how long he could take this.

Suddenly, a melody shook him and he snapped his head upwards. He looked at his cellphone on his dresser, vibrating and ringing. He wasn't sure how long he stared at the phone, but finally, it stopped ringing and a beep announced that he had a voice mail.

Looking down at the knife in his hand again, he felt his hand shaking. Shuddering and letting a sigh, he stood up slowly and placed the knife beside his phone. He stared at it for a few seconds before sighing again and picked it up. He pressed a few buttons before lifting the phone to his ear.

A familiar voice came from the speaker and the concern he heard in it made his heart clench.

"Taisuke, are you okay? You weren't really into practice and stuff today. And don't tell me you were having fun. I can tell when you're forcing yourself. Is anything the matter? Please talk to me. I don't like seeing you like this. Call me back. Now. It doesn't matter if it's late. Just...call me, okay?" There was a short pause. "J-Ja."

He really was worried. Taisuke could tell. It's only when the other was serious that he would call him 'Taisuke'. When he was informed the message over, Taisuke slowly lowered his phone and hesitantly pressed a button before putting his ear beside the speaker again to listen to the message again.

As the voice went on, he pressed the phone even closer to his ear, wanting to imagine the other as close to him as possible. Despite closing his eyes, he could feel the tears rolling down his cheeks. "Stop being so nice to me," he murmured as he felt the sobs slowly coming up his throat.

"If you keep on being so nice, I'll get the wrong impression," he continued to murmur to himself as a sob broke through. He pressed a button and listened to the voice again.

"Stop it, Wataru."



"Tai-chan!"

At the voice, Taisuke stopped in his steps and took a deep breath before putting a smile on his face. "Ohayou, Wataru!" He tightened his grip on his bag over his shoulder and looked at the older one who was running up to him.

Panting lightly, Yokoo said, "You didn't call me."

Taisuke just smiled and turned around, continuing walking towards the rehearsal room. "Sorry. I fell asleep last night. I heard your message this morning." Opening the door to it, he continued, "I thought I didn't need to call you when we’re going to meet soon."

Despite not being able to see the other behind him, he could hear the suspicion in Yokoo’s voice. "Are you really okay, Taisuke?"

Turning back, Taisuke just tried to smile as bright as he could. "I'm fine, Wataru~ I was just tired yesterday. You worry too much ne." Without waiting for a response, he headed towards the rest of the group that was already there, greeting them with a bright voice. He could still feel Yokoo's eyes on him, but he chose to ignore the other.

After listening to a few of Miyata's jokes, responding with a few forceful laughs, Taisuke announced he was getting himself a drink and exited the room.

He clenched his hand into a fist and tried to resist the urge to slam it against the wall. Taking several deep breaths, he walked slowly towards the vending machine. "Stop being so nice," he muttered to himself. "Stop being so concerned."

When he arrived at the machine, he inserted a coin and just mindless chose a drink. Once he heard the can land with a thump, he bent down to pick it up.

"Konnichiwa, Fujigaya-kun."

Hearing a high-pitched voice address him, Taisuke turned around and gave a tired smile when he saw the chibi in front of him. "Konnichiwa, Kyoumoto-kun."

The boy tilted his head and looked up at Taisuke worriedly. "Fujigaya-kun, are you alright? You're...acting weird." He glanced at the can in Taisuke's hand. There was something wrong with the other. Taisuke would never choose something like that to drink normally. Morimoto and he had been with Taisuke plenty of times to the vending machine to know that much.

Taisuke shook his head. "Don't worry about it." He smiled again and reached down to ruffle Kyoumoto's hair. "I just didn't sleep enough last night." The truth was, he didn't sleep at all, but the other didn't need to know about that.

Kyoumoto still didn't look convinced, but he nodded his head anyways and proceeded to get his own drink.

Ruffling Kyoumoto's hair once more, he mumbled about going back and headed back towards the rehearsal, leaving the boy at the vending machine. Once he was at the door, he didn't enter immediately. Gripping the can, he just looked at Yokoo interacting with the younger members of their group.

When he saw Yokoo attacking Senga's waist with his fingers and ended up in a tangle limbs, he finally spun on his heels and tried to press down the urge to run to the washroom. He walked swiftly and the moment he entered the washroom, he slammed the stall's door close and locked it.

Taisuke threw the drink into the trash door and slid down against the wall. Pulling his knees to his chest, he wrapped his arms around them and buried his head against them.

When this all begin? Taisuke wasn't sure anymore. Yokoo had been one of his best friends for a long time, then one day, he realized, his feelings had changed. It wasn't just friendship anymore. He wanted Yokoo to spend more time with him, to stop hanging out with others. He wanted Yokoo's touch and felt jealous whenever he hugged or just placed a friendly arm over other people's shoulders.

At the same time, he knew he was being selfish. He wanted Yokoo to be happy, but of course, wished that the other's happiness would be with him. It wasn't possible though. There had been so many times Yokoo has expressed interest in girls, whether was it during rehearsals when they were flipping through magazines or while shopping and someone on the streets caught Yokoo's eye.

Ever since he had discovered his own feelings and put some sort of identification on it, Taisuke had slowly started to distance himself away from Yokoo. Except the other would just keep on following him, wondering if there was anything wrong with him. It was stressful. He didn't want to experience rejection. All he wanted was to be able to stay by Yokoo's side and keep on being friends. If Yokoo kept on being that nice to him, he knew he won’t be able to hold back one day and would just confess.

He didn't want Yokoo hating him.

If the other hated him, there was no way, there was just no way he could live after that.

The sobs racked through his body and Taisuke tried his best to hold back the noises, not wanting anyone coming in and hear him cry. He couldn't stay here forever. Yokoo would definitely come find him. He was everyone's big brother after all. Even though he wasn't like Koyama and let his worry show on his face, Taisuke knew he worried a lot of times.

Forcing the tears to stop, Taisuke shoved his hand into a pocket and found himself a handkerchief. He wiped away the tears and sniffled. A minute later, he finally unlocked the stall and stepped out.

"Taisuke..."

Snapping his head up, Taisuke's heart stopped for a second before realizing who was in front of him. "Hi-Hiro..."

Kitayama sighed exasperatedly and gathered the younger into his arms, letting the other's head rest against his shoulder. "Taisuke, you got to stop this." He started to stroke the other's hair. "Yokoo won't hate you if you confess to him."

As he bit back a whimper, Taisuke just wrapped his arms around Kitayama. It was a bit awkward for him to rest his head on someone shorter than him, but it was comforting and that's what he wanted at the moment. "Hiro...it hurts...it hurts so much..."

A hand slid down and started stroking Taisuke's back. "Baka. Then tell him. He's your best friend. He won't hate you just because you confess to him."

"You can't guarantee me that!" Taisuke raised his head and stared at Kitayama with his glassy eyes, biting on his bottom lip. "You can't guarantee me that," he repeated, much more softly this time.

Kitayama sighed and ruffled his own hair. "Just...just stop crying, Taisuke." He tilted his head upwards and leaned in closer. "I don't like seeing your tears." With that, he pressed his lips against Taisuke's and initiated a slow kiss with the other.

Another tear rolling down his cheek, Taisuke just kissed back, tightening his arms around Kitayama.

If only he could really stop crying. Then maybe he won't hurt as much.



Taisuke watched as Yokoo read the message on his cellphone and closed with what seemed to be a look of frustration. "Wa...taru?" he asked hesitantly. "Da-daijoubu?"

Yokoo waved his hand. "Yea, I'm fine." He twirled his phone in his hand a few times before saying, "Ne, Tai-chan, you mind waiting at the train station for me? I got something I have to take care of first."

Giving the other a look of concern, Taisuke nodded his head slowly. "O-okay."

"I'll be quick." With another wave of his hand, Yokoo started jogging towards the front entrance of the building.

They had decided to go for dinner together today after rehearsals. It was rare that Taisuke actually agreed for the two of them do something alone lately, but he had finally decided that he wanted to spend some time with Yokoo. As they came down the elevator though, Yokoo received a message on his phone. His reaction was weird in Taisuke's opinion. It seemed like the other was frustrated, yet not really. Tired maybe? He wasn't sure, but now Yokoo had ran off, leaving him alone.

Looking back and forth, Taisuke wondered which way he should walk towards. The back entrance had a short cut through the train station, but he was also a bit concerned about Yokoo.

He stayed in his spot for a few more seconds before finally picking up his feet and started jogging towards the front entrance.

What he saw there turned his blood cold.

There was a girl there with Yokoo. He couldn't see her face, but there was no mistake about what they were doing.

Taisuke blinked back the tears that were forming.

They were kissing.

They were kissing at the front entrance of the building where any paparazzi could easily catch them.

Feeling his breathing become uneven, Taisuke quickly grabbed his shirt in front of his heart. It was hurting. It was hurting. It was hurting so much.

Taisuke did the first thing his body told him to do.

He turned and ran.

The moment he ran out of the back door, he felt droplets falling on him. He turned his face up to the sky and realized that it was raining. Sobbing, the dam of his own tears broke as well, blending with the rain droplets on his face.

He couldn't go meet with Yokoo now. Reaching into his pocket, he turned off his phone and started stumbling away from the building. He couldn't head to the train station. Yokoo would be looking for him there. How would he get home then? The next station was a bit far.

Sobbing as he stumbled his way around, Taisuke suddenly tripped on something. Before he could hit the ground though, a hand caught his arm. Looking up as he sniffled, he glanced at the two blearily, "Ya-Yamashita-kun, Ko-Koki-kun..."

Blackness took over.



"Fujigaya-kun!" Yamashita held on to the other as he lost consciousness and leaned in to see if the male was already. "Oh good, he just fell asleep." He looked up at Koki, who was holding the umbrella. "I guess we can't go out for dinner now, can we?"

The corner of Koki's lips tugged upwards before shaking his head. "No, we can't." He looked at their kouhai in Yamashita's arms. "Where should we take him?"

Wrapping an arm around Taisuke's back and one under his knees, Yamashita picked him up. "We'll bring him over to my apartment. It'll be more convenient."

Koki nodded his head and covered all three of them from the rain as they headed towards Yamashita's car. The ride to Yamashita’s apartment wasn't long and soon they were walking in through the door, with Yamashita carrying Taisuke on his back while Koki held on to their bags.

"We'll have to get his wet clothes off of him. I don't want him catching a cold," commented Koki. He helped Yamashita place Taisuke on his guest bed.

Nodding his head, Yamashita said, "I'll go get some of my spare clothes."

While Yamashita was gone, Koki stared down at Taisuke's sleeping face worriedly. "Fujigaya-kun, you were crying, weren't you?" He ran a hand through Taisuke's wet bangs. "What can make you cry?" he murmured.

"I got some clothes," announced Yamashita as he walked in.

Koki smiled. "Good. You help him change. I think I should call his parents so they don't worry..." He grabbed Taisuke's bag and started rummaging through it. "Hm...it's not in here." He turned to Yamapi who had just taken off Taisuke's shirt. "Oi, Yamapi. Is his cellphone in his pocket? I need to check his home number."

Checking, Yamashita nodded. "Yea. Here." He threw it towards Koki who caught it safely.

"Thanks." Koki walked out of the room and turned on the phone. He was a bit surprised when the phone started ringing immediately. Looking at the call display, he decided it was okay to pick up. "Moshi moshi?"

"Tai-chan? Where are you? I’ve been trying to call you for the past fifteen minutes now! I thought I told you to wait for me at the train station. Are you alright? Where are you?"

Koki blinked, surprised to hear the sudden amount of words flowing through the speaker. "Yo...koo-kun?"

The voice on the other end paused. "Ko-Koki-kun? Why...why do you have Tai-chan's cellphone?"

Koki wondered how he should explain the situation. If Taisuke was supposed to be out with Yokoo, he wondered if Taisuke was crying because of the other or did something happen in between the time they separated. Koki decided he won't tell Yokoo. "Yamapi and I bumped into him when we went to pick up his car, and he um...kinda fell asleep on us. So we brought him to Yamapi's apartment. He probably didn't get enough sleep last night." He looked towards the guest bedroom's direction worriedly. "Don't worry. He's safe."

"Oh." The voice sounded relieved. "That's good. I freaked out when I realized Tai-chan wasn't there at the station waiting for me. Thank you, Koki-kun. And Yamashita-kun too."

Smiling, Koki replied, "No problem."

After another few exchange of words, Koki disconnected the call and started looking for Taisuke's home phone number. Just when he found it and about to press dial, he heard Yamashita's urgent voice calling to him.

Running to the guest bedroom, Koki asked, "What's wrong?"

Yamashita bit on his bottom lip before pointing at Taisuke, who was still lying on the bed, asleep. His shirt has been changed, but he was still in his boxers. "What are you doing, Yamapi? Give the boy some pants!" Koki walked over to grab the pants from the other when Yamashita shook his head.

"Koki, look at that."

The rapper followed Yamashita's finger and bit back a gasp at the sight. The fabric of the boxers has been tugged up slightly to reveal more of the skin underneath.

"Is that...?" Yamashita just nodded his head. Koki swore under his breath. "What...what made him do that?!"

There, on Taisuke's left thigh's inner skin, was a row of neat, little straight cuts, that have healed, leaving red marks.

"I'm afraid to look," whispered Yamashita. "What if...what if he has more cuts further up? That...that are n-new?" He couldn't keep the tremble out of his voice. He had never imagined finding something like this. On someone that was usually so cheerful too.

Koki shook his head. He didn't know either.

The two of them looked at each other, before turning their attention back on Taisuke, who slept peacefully on the bed, unaware that his secret has been exposed.





Author's Note: I felt emo for less than an hour last night...and this is what comes up? ...te oi! Didn't I say I won't be dugging myself another multi-chaptered hole anytime soon?! //headdesk// I need to finish Hyoten first! ...//sigh//... It just got out of hand.

If you're wondering, I feel genki now. Not emo at all. But I finished this part anyways. >.> My poor Taisuke...//whimpers// What am I doing to him? //kicks Wataru// Your fault! Rawr.

At first it was only Koki...but...I couldn't resist. //dumps Yamapi into it as well//

The HiroSuke part...was also unexpected. ^^;;

So yesh...first angst!fic and multi-part!fic for YoSuke. XDD;;

I don't know when I'll write the next part though. I have no idea where this is going...and I have no idea how long this will end up to be. So uh...yea...^^;;

Um...comments are love?



Part Two
Tags: fan-fic: tears, group: kis-my-ft2, pairing: kitafuji, pairing: yosuke, topic: je, ~fan-fic
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